I’m a big picture kind of person who likes to simplify ideas down so everybody can grasp my concepts. When I go shampoo shopping, there are two kinds: “cheap and expensive.” When I go clothes shopping, I breeze right past most of the racks and head for the back where they keep the items on sale: “clearance vs. outrageous.” Additionally, when it comes to grocery shopping, there are three kinds of foods: “name brand, generic or fresh.” Actually, there is no difference between name brand and generic to me, which leaves my preferred two categories.

In the past year at Cherokee Creek Boy School, I’ve met about 50 boys, aged 11 to 15. And in my mind, I’ve boiled them down to three types: Meatballs, Noodles and Ribs. The labels have to do with how hard each boy is going to make it for me to build a relationship with them.  I’ll explain.

Almost all the boys who come here are meatballs. I’d say about 80% of the population would be a meatball.  If you grew up Italian – or just wanted to eat exclusively in fine Italian restaurants your entire life, like me – you know that a perfectly made meatball begins in the frying pan. For just a few minutes, you brown it so it holds its shape in the sauce into which you later add it. Then, when it’s pasta time, you bite into a meatball and it’s got the perfect amount of “crusty” texture with a nice, soft, warm and perfectly cooked inside. “That’s a meat-a-ball,” my saintly, childhood babysitter used to say. (Bless your heart for giving me the love of all things Italian, Mrs. Cialini!)

That’s how the majority of our boys are – slightly crispy on the outside, but tender on the inside. Once you get past that crusty exterior and get to know the heart of them, they’re such a delight to work with and build a relationship with. They’re meatballs!

Now another group of boys comes to us as noodles …  slightly overcooked, if I may say so. All good Italian chefs know you want your noodles al dente and the best way to test their readiness is to throw them against a wall and see if they stick. No stick – not ready. Stick a moment then fall — perfect. Stick and takes a chisel to get it off – way overdone.  A few of our boys come to us and suddenly become an appendage to anyone who’ll allow it — too much stick. They wear their emotions on their sleeves, don’t feel like they can function without constant assistance, and feel as if they need complete direction in their lives – too much limp as well. About 15% are Noodles – easy to get to know, but you need to set some firm boundaries and help them see their own strengths for maximum enjoyment.

The last 5% are ribs. Anybody who has had a good, Italian gravy with pork ribs thrown in for flavoring knows that the ribs are worth fighting over with relatives. These boys are wonderful challenges in relationship building. But they’re like a rib in this way … there’s an easy layer to enjoy on the surface, but a stiff bone in there that you really need to work on to finally get all the good stuff. Ask any dog — for maximum enjoyment, you need to get to the stuff inside the bone. Not that we gnaw away at the boys here, but there are definitely some that take a little longer to come to know with the numbers of defenses they have. But when you finally do, they’re lip smacking, finger licking, fabulous – just like a rib.

Meatballs, noodles, and ribs … all really wonderful foods, just like all our really wonderful boys.