David helps torchbearers prepare for a CCBS graduation

Here’s the scene…I walk in the door after a day of work. I give my wife a kiss, and all three of my boys a hug and then sit down in the living room to hang out with my boys.  Mr. Blackberry buzzes twice – the sign of an incoming e-mail, so I unholster “the box”, as I call it, and take a look. The emails that have come in on my drive home are interesting and I have just thought of a clever response to the first one, so I do a little thumb typing. Just as I am about to press the send button, my three year old launches a sneak attack from the other side of the couch, shouting “Daddddy!”, planting a knee in my ribs on landing.

       “Cut it out, Daddy’s doing something right now.” I tell him sternly (it really hurt, too).  I press send, set the phone down, and then look at my 3 year old, “You really hurt Daddy when you did that. Don’t do that again, Okay?”
       “Okay, Daddy…Daddy do you want to wrestle?”
       “Not now, maybe in a few minutes, okay?”
       “Okay, Daddy”

I reach for my phone, but it’s not there. Hmmm…while getting up, I spot my 5 year old darting out of the room, quietly. Very suspicious. I follow him into the kitchen. He sees I am following him and makes a break for it, laughing and running down the stairs to the basement. I see he has my phone. He’s playing keep away! He’s cute about it, so I tickle him a little, hang him upside-down for a minute and then go back upstairs – phone in hand, so I can finish up my e-mails. Five minutes more, and I’m all done.

       “Hey honey, the kids sure are wound up today. Where’s our oldest? I haven’t seen him since I came home.” “He went to read in his room,” she says, “he got tired of waiting for you to put your phone down.” 

But it was only 5 minutes – I was in the same room with them – at least I was home and not still at work – they know I love them…the list goes through my head instantly, but I know those are rationalizations. This “real and true moment” was powerful and poignant.  

In my work as the Executive Director of a middle school, one of our four key lessons is about how to “show up and be present“. I am always looking for examples to demonstrate these messages for the students. It hit me like a ton of bricks… “Show up and be present” is about attention…specifically, where you put your attention. The real message behind the flying knee attack, the phone nabbing and the book reading was now very clear. Although not intentional, my message to my kids was “I care more about my cell phone than I care about you” … because that was where I was putting my attention. Attention requires being fully present– with your body, your eyes, and your energy. 

A game of keep away is actually a pretty smart way of making a point – if only this dad had been smart enough to catch it the first time! My challenge is to be fully present wherever I am…at work, at play or with my family!

Is what you care about getting your full attention?

The challenge is to pay attention to the right thing at the right time…because attention is caring!