The election is over. (Heavy sigh of breath exhaled.) But this isn’t a blog about politics or details of who got my vote.

Sticker stacking is for children and fun, not relationships.

It’s a story about meeting two candidates for Sheriff in Oconee County and relationships.

About March of last year, they were holding Mayberry Days in Westminster, South Carolina. Mayberry Days are an opportunity for local businesses and residents to come out and celebrate the joys of living in rural America. There are doubles of the characters from the Andy Griffith Show hired to walk the streets and say, “Well goooooollllllly” really loud. This year I had the job of working at a booth right next to one of the candidates for Sheriff, Mike. The race for sheriff was rather contentious this year with allegations of scandal, corrupt financing, and even a kidnapping attempt. Needless to say, small town politics this year were more World Wrestling Federation than Andy Griffith. That day was the first opportunity I had to meet not only Mike, but a couple of his competitors in the hotly contested race.

Mike took the time to talk with me, explain some of the bizarre backstory of the Sheriff’s department, and really make a connection. He seemed honest, he had wonderful family and genuine friends there to give him support, and I enjoyed getting to know him.

On a break from my duties at the booth, I took my five-year-old walking among the other attractions. She was excited to be wearing an “I Like Mike” sticker because when you’re five —  no matter what they are about — stickers are just fun! Nearing the end of the thoroughfare, we met “Donnie,” another candidate for Sheriff. He grabbed my hand to shake it, asked for my vote, and promptly stuck his sticker right over top of Mike’s on my daughter’s blouse. He then moved on to the person behind me. Did he really think that a sticker over another candidate’s could replace relationship and a real connection?

Guess who got my vote come November.

As I voted this month, I formed an analogy between stickers and relationships. Why are there folks in this world who think they can just replace a significant event or person with the “sticker-on-top” mentality? Why do we avoid the work of building relationships or of healing broken or difficult relationships and just look for the easy way out? Have we really become so oriented to sound bites, instant answers and “disposableness” that we think it can apply to people and relationships as well? What does that say about our superficiality if we refuse to go deep to make real connections or make necessary reparations when the going gets rough?

I’ve been guilty of being a sticker stacker rather than a relational builder in the past, but my experiences, my church, and my time at Cherokee Creek Boys School have changed me forever. Being a part of middle school boys forming and building relationships with their families has inspired me to do the same hard work in my own life too.

Real and True Sheriff Andy Griffith practiced relationship building and was always willing to work through the problems – just look at the patience he had with his own deputy! The challenge for all of us is not to return to Mayberry, but to replace sticker stacking where it exists in our lives with the harder and meaningful deepening of our relationships.

Westminster’s Mayberry Days won’t roll around for another few months, but I’ll be back. There is something comforting in reminiscing about a simple t.v. show reflecting simple lives and real relationships. Our new sheriff may not be Andy Griffith, but he’s no Barney either. And our boys at Cherokee Creek are discovering every day what is real and true about themselves and the world around them. May they – as relationship builders – leave the stickers to children, and have more Mayberry days than not.

Dear Friends and Family,

The year is quickly drawing to a close and I’d like to take a moment to extend my greatest blessings to everyone and share a quote from Living in Gratitude: A Journey That Will Change Your Life by Angeles Arrien.

Thanksgiving is a time to harvest, appreciate, and celebrate those things that have come to fruition in our lives during the year, in both external and internal ways. Perhaps a valued relationship has deepened. We may have seen a project through from the idea to reality, become confident in a new skill, or noticed that we have integrated an important experience that has made us wiser. As we answer the question “What are you thankful for today?” it is important to appreciate the work we have done to bring us to this point in our journey. This is the time to celebrate our sustained intention and efforts, for they have borne fruit.

As my mentor and teacher, I have learned many important lessons from Angeles. Reflecting on her blessing, I know that I have continued to grow in many ways during this year. One of my greatest rewards is hosting the Women’s Retreat twice a year and sharing heart-felt stories with CCBS mothers. We inspire and support each other and this is wonderful. We witness each other grow in courage, love, truth and wisdom in very real ways. I can see that my journey with my son has borne fruit that I could never have imagined so many years ago when we were in the throes of struggle.

As Angeles reminds us, “it is important to appreciate the work we have done to bring us to this point in our journey. The journey to Cherokee Creek has been a challenging one for most. I want to thank you for having the courage to bring your son to Cherokee Creek and being a partner in the process of healing. I am so blessed to meet and befriend so many of you. Happy Thanksgiving and may we all celebrate those things that have come to fruition this year!

With gratitude,

Beth

Beth Black, Founder of Cherokee Creek Boys School

Boy, did I ever hear that a lot growing up.  As most teens fresh out of puberty, I had plenty of opinions that were non-negotiable.  I was right and that was that.  My parents (and any other adult for that matter) didn’t have a clue and were obviously, hopelessly out of touch.

Then, by the magical humor of the universe, before I knew it I had teenagers of my own.  Now I understand some of what my parents had to deal with, and their gracious patience and understanding.

Fortunately, I also work at Cherokee Creek Boys School and have the advantage of seeing middle school behavior in generous supply.  Our school is a learning environment both in academics and social skills.  I could see what great effect we were having on the lives of our students here at school, and I decided to try some of the same techniques at home.

First, I recognized the division of labor…hey, I really don’t have to do everything AND know everything.  My teens  were developing their independence for the first time … they were supposed to act as if they knew everything.  I remembered that as a young teen, I had just enough years under my belt to feel like I had a handle on all of life’s difficulties.  It wasn’t until I added a couple of decades that I began to realize how much I didn’t know.

So, with my own kids, I changed my approach and my role.  I realized that they were in a transition phase and needed to form their own opinions and reasoning.  I changed from telling them how they were suppose to think to asking them why they thought a certain way, and I tried to help them form more fully their own thoughts.  I was happy to see the openness that developed between us when they were able to express their own thoughts and feelings.

After all, I reasoned, I’m not going to be able to make decisions for my kids their whole life, nor would I want to. So I changed my approach from telling and demanding to asking and listening. My role switched from dictator to mentor and coach.   I realized that they were in a transition phase and needed to form their own opinions and reasoning.  They were trying out new ideas for the first time and developing the ability to express these fledgling ideas to their peers and to adults.

I decided to be happy and enjoy my kids … let them take on the anxiety of being right. It is a rite of passage we, as their wiser parents or teachers, must allow them. It is a rite of passage they, as young warriors, must be allowed as they discover what is Real and True about the world around them!