Phil works with an early CCBS student on a building project

“I hate you.  I’m going to run away.” That was my son at 7 years of age – willful and independent – pretty typical, I know, but then I added, “Good. I’ll help you pack.” I stood there while my son stuffed his red Elmo stuffed toy and other essentials into his small daypack and headed for the door. I was slightly amused, but also amazed and ashamed that this little powerhouse of energy was able to put me in that emotional spot so easily.

In another instant I was remembering myself as a child that age and shouting that same thing to my parents, righteously justified and utterly convinced of the injustice of my life. I also remembered the blessing uttered by parents and grandparents everywhere, “May you get one just like you.”

I often find that the universe has a sense of humor – like a perpetual April Fool’s Day.

I love my parents completely and unconditionally…a gift from the universe that was hard wired into me at birth. However, the deep love and fierce sense of protection I feel for my son is a gift from him. There is just no way I could have reached that level of emotion and devotion on my own. I needed the help of another soul, one who at times is helpless, at times is independent, but is almost always a true reflection of myself.

At Cherokee Creek Boys School, the small school with the big heart, we are entering the Visionary aspect of our Lessons of the Medicine Wheel; a time when we emphasize Truth and the lesson, “Tell the Truth without Blame or Judgement.”

For me, truth is always mixed with a little humor. And the truth is that the love we feel for our children can make fools of us all. Learning to laugh at ourselves and see our own reflection in our children is a real and true gift.

Happy April Fool’s Day

David celebrates a student's graduation.

If there’s one things that’s predictable, it’s that things are going to change. And when a change occurs, there is often a transition that follows!

Another predictable thing is that changes create a time in between the ending of the old and the beginning of the new. Cherokee Creek Boys School calls this space a “neutral zone,” a name adopted from William Bridges work on the process of transitions.

We have all felt the “neutral zone.” It can be exciting or confusing. It can feel like chaos or be filled with anticipation. Whatever the feelings are, they are stronger than when things are just routine or predictable. I am a creature of habit as much as anyone, and those feelings that are associated with change sure can make me uncomfortable.

The question I hear (and sometimes ask myself) is: How can I get out of the neutral zone and into the new way of being? Another way of asking this question could be: How can I get past all of these uncomfortable and magnified feelings quickly?

Since change is happening all the time, chances are that you are in a neutral zone in some area of your life right now. What are you being challenged with in the neutral zone? Here are a few questions you can ask to help turn the neutral zone into a place of self-discovery…

What must I put down in order to move forward?

What point of view is shifting?

What is it that I believed that no longer fits me?

Before we are in a rush to the new place, let’s see what can be learned while we are in the neutral zone!

“Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.” – Robert C. Gallagher

Dylan (left) charges forward, while Jon provides coverage

Sunday night, my husband and I toured the online blizzard of weather related warnings, watches and apocalyptic premonitions. After a few minutes he turned to me and asked, “Remember when snow was fun?”

Granted, we did receive a ton of snow. Much more than is normal for Upstate South Carolina and most of the warnings were very much warranted. But on Monday morning as I arrived on campus after a long and difficult drive, my shoulders relaxed and a single thought came forward – “Snow Day!”

I made my way from room to room reminding the boys to dress in layers, wear boots, hats and rain gear. In their minds, I knew, were visions of snow play, snowmen, snow angels and, best of all, a snow ball fight.

Middle schoolers so often sway between gleeful childhood and the beginnings of more solemn adult-like maturity. It is what makes them the most fun and interesting age group to work with. Often, our CCBS students arrive having forgotten…or somehow deficient in…the art of real childhood play. We provide dozens of opportunities for boys to be playful, learn new games, and remember old ones – in short, we provide a place where boys can be boys!

The Healer reminds us of the power of fun, play and joy! And there is nothing more joyful than a giant snowfall followed by a snowball fight…nothing…except maybe the hot chocolate afterward!

Cherokee Creek Boys School is a therapeutic boarding school for middle-school boys, ages 11-15, located in Upstate South Carolina.

Coach Kory Byrd during a 2010 season game

Starting next week, the Cherokee Creek Boys School Bears will play their first game of the 2011 Basketball season. Head coach Kory Byrd has been practicing with the team for the past few weeks, and the players have come a long way in their skills and understanding of the game – it will be an exciting season to be sure – Go Bears!

 In addition to new skills, the team has been learning the importance of drawing the opposition’s defense out of position. Coach Byrd has been working with the team on many different passing drills. Some are designed to help the Bears break a “trap” set by the other team, some to move the ball up the court, and some to pass the ball in from out-of-bounds.

One drill in particular has caught my attention this year. When the Bears are trying to score a basket, they take time to “work the ball,” which means pass it from player to player around the perimeter of the defense. The purpose of all these passes is not so much to look for an open player – as I have thought for many years – but rather to try and draw the defense out of position. Once the other team’s defender has been caught out of position, one of ours will be open, and we get an unguarded opportunity to score!

On the other end of the court, Coach Byrd works with our middle school boys on their defense. We play a zone defense and Coach Byrd is keen on seeing that we don’t get “drawn out of position.”  Many of our players are first-timers in organized basketball, and our coach teaches them the boundaries of their positions, over and over again. He tells me that by the time the season starts, their boundaries and positioning on the court will be habit, and that’s when we will really start playing good defense.

Think with me for a moment about the concepts of “boundaries” and “defenses” that our award-winning coach Byrd is teaching our students and how his lessons on the basketball court can help us too!  We all have “defenses” that we build up through experience and over time.

Some of those defenses may be very helpful, like not taking an insult personally. Good defenses generally involve practicing good boundaries – which keep us in position – or “centered” – and help protect us. As long as we practice good boundaries we won’t be caught off balance, and we can better guard what we value.

Other defenses don’t serve us so well. For example, you may chose to say nothing or give in to something you don’t want to do, in order to protect yourself from the fallout of saying “no.”  Playing “out of position,” or with poor boundaries exposes the things we value – like our integrity – to failure.

Knowing that practicing good boundaries and “playing in position” will help us play much better, the challenge is to find those areas where we have been “drawn out of position” and move back within our boundaries!

I hope you all can come and watch our students play this season. I am already proud of the work they have done learning their positions, and can’t wait to see them put their lessons about good boundaries into practice! Thanks to Head Coach Byrd and his assistant coaches, Yanic McDowell and Jachin Wettstone, for teaching all the basketball skills and “real and true” life lessons to the students of Cherokee Creek Boys School!

Cherokee Creek Boys School is a therapeutic boarding school for middle-school boys, ages 11-15, located in Upstate South Carolina.

The Brotherhood known as the Gold Team Crusaders

Service is a  “real and true”  lesson taught at Cherokee Creek. We feel that  contributing time, gifts and talents to our community is a foundation of good citizenship. Giving builds an “other orientation” which may be unfamiliar to middle-school boys. We create activities on campus and in our local community that give students a chance to see themselves as builders, contributors and helpers in the world. Learning to give back and to help others builds character, strengthens developing social skills and builds a sense of pride. One of the great joys of giving is when someone thanks you for your efforts and you can see how you have touched others. We are pleased to share a letter that the boys received from Master Chief Jeff P. Johnson, United States Navy. We are very proud!

A scan of the letter with the seal

Cherokee Creek Boys School is a therapeutic Boarding School for middle-school boys, ages 11-15, located in Upstate South Carolina.

Teamwork State Champs! Nick with the 2010 team in March.

I have been on this earth for nearly twenty thousand days. Included in those days are some that, because of their life-altering consequences, I remember to the smallest detail. Lightning strikes out of the blue sometimes and changes my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

What I think makes me a little special and different is the fact that I have had two memorably transcendent days through my work. Both occurred because of CCBS and our involvement with FIRST Lego League.

FIRST Lego League (FLL) is an international robotics competition between teams of middle-school students in which judging is based on four criteria: Teamwork, Presentation of a Science Project, Engineering and Robot Performance. FFL inventor Dean Kamen wants to “inspire young peoples’ interest and participation in science and technology” by bringing a hint of athletic fervor to a competition with a guiding ethos of “Gracious Professionalism.” 

When asked if I wanted to coach a team I agreed without hesitation. I didn’t know then that lightning was about to strike.      

Part of the Coach’s Promise for FIRST Lego League is:  “The children do the work.”  That was pretty easy for me to observe that first year, and ever since. I’ve always felt that I best empower my students by giving them an opportunity to try something new. Then I step back as far as is safe and let them do it their way. Over the years I have hybridized the FLL Coach’s Promise, my own coaching philosophy and the CCBS’s mission. My teams are coached to aim for two objectives: “have fun” and “Show up as Warriors who represent themselves, their families and our school with Gracious Professionalism.”

In February of 2006, after a long day of competition at the South Carolina Convention Center in Columbia, my name was called as the Outstanding Coach of the Tournament. I didn’t even know there was such a thing, and in front of 80 teams, their coaches, parents and the judges I had won it! I obviously did some things right that season and day, but I’ll leave it to others to explain why, out of eighty coaches, I deserved such an honor. Lightning had struck me and I’ve never been the same since. 

Lightning struck again last March at the South Carolina State FLL Tournament when our team was called as the State Champion in Teamwork.  Those eight guys had demonstrated outstanding teamwork all day in a chaotic environment with infinite distractions and challenges. I was still stunned to the point of tears when their efforts were so publicly recognized.They had used the concepts, tools and techniques we staff and parents work so hard to help them learn, and the result of their own hard work, to gain the championship trophy, made of Legos of course.

In January I will head to the regional FLL competition with the 2011 team. Just like the last five teams, they will be empowered and given opportunities to succeed with my support instead of my intervention. As a result, they will come together as a team, do the best that they can do with all of the tools they have been given and walk away with an experience full of value.

 And, who knows, lightning may even strike again…

Student Artwork by Davis!

The trout of Henry’s Fork are widely respected as some of the smartest eaters around. They have learned to detect the smallest difference between an artificial fly with a hook in it and a tasty meal. Fly fishing aficianados refer to these particular trout as “fish with PhD’s.” Catching even a small one of these geniuses is a real feather in the cap of any serious fisherman…

So there I was, standing in the current for hours, casting fly after fly at these fish with no takers. The water was clear, and I could watch fish feeding all around me, I could even see the insects they were eating. Even when I tied on a fly that matched the pattern of their bug feast exactly, they would still watch my mock insect float by. Extremely frustrating or extremely challenging depending on how you look at it.

Since I had hours to spend casting and not catching fish, I thought about my children and just how smart they are.

Every Saturday I do a run to the dump with all of our trash. Every Saturday I try to get one of my kids to go with me. I love the one-on-one time with them. Last week it was my oldest son’s turn. My first “cast” was to try and ask excitedly, “Hey, you want to go on a ride with me?”

“No thanks, Dad.” He said this without even looking up from his book.

My next cast… “It would be some great male-bonding time,” I suggested.

“Nah, that’s okay,” and still no look.

“There might be a surprise…” This cast was expertly swung to appeal to his love of ice cream. This one almost always works.

“How about later today, Dad?” And once more, not even a glance up at me.

“Riley, I want to spend some time with you. It’s important to me,” I stated simply and sincerely.

He looked right into my eyes, saw that I really meant it, put his bookmark in place, and without reservation said, “Okay, Dad. Let’s go.”

It turns out that my kids have been watching me for years. My oldest proved to me, again, that what he really wants is a father who will meet him on a genuine, honest level. He wanted the “real thing.” We had a great time riding to and from the dump, and I realized he has a PhD in me!

The people who we are close to in our lives – our families and co-workers , have “PhD’s”, too. They know when we are “fishing around.” The challenge is to stop casting disingenuous invitations to connect, and realize that only a real and true invitation will be met with enthusiasm.

Cherokee Creek Boys School is a therapeutic boarding school for middle-school boys, ages 11-15, located in Upstate South Carolina.

Beth congratulates recent graduate, Cole, with a hug.

I always love the Family Seminars at Cherokee Creek Boys School and the sessions on Love and Healer are my favorite. Spending time with bright, caring adults who are, “paying attention to what has heart and meaning,” is uplifting. One of the many lessons we explore together is the Arms of Love: the power of acknowledgment, recognition, validation and gratitude to demonstrate genuine caring.

Living in Florida, I am not on campus often and truly miss the day to day engagement with the boys, staff and families. Hugs are a “touching” way to share my heart-felt love and appreciation…if you’ll excuse the pun!

Hugs seem to be the full manifestation of the Arms of Love. A hug acknowledges, accepts, recognizes, validates and is appreciated by giver and receiver.

I am aware that there is a hugging etiquette. Not everyone is an instant hugger. At CCBS we follow guidelines like those set forth by the Hugs for Health Foundation ( yes, there is a Hugs for Health Foundation!)

-Always respect another’s space.
-Ask permission before hugging.
-A hug is a compassionate gesture, hug accordingly.
-A hug is a gentle embrace, not the Heimlich maneuver.

There have been scientific studies measuring the benefits of hugging. Sometimes I’m surprised that science needs to validate what seems so obvious.

Hugs are a simple, one size fits all “therapy”. They are good for all ages, environmentally safe and a renewable resource. They are not bound by gender, race, color or creed. Hugs have Heart and Meaning…hugs are Real and True.

Who will you acknowledge, recognize, validate or appreciate with a hug today?

Here is a video hug for you: Free Hugs Campaign video on YouTube

Cherokee Creek Boys School is a therapeutic boarding school for middle-school boys, ages 11-15, located in Upstate South Carolina.

Residential Lead, Shawn Ziluck, shares a story about his own journey of self-discovery, paying attention to “what has heart and meaning” and embracing responsibility.

Residential Lead, Shawn Ziluck

Like many of our students at Cherokee Creek, I had a very difficult time taking responsibility for my actions in my adolescence. My willingness to trust the criticism and advice the adults in my life gave me was non-existent and often fell on deaf ears. It wasn’t until I was preparing to graduate from high school that the words I had tried so hard to ignore came back to haunt me. 

The thought of going to college was exhilarating at first, but quickly faded as I saw my father come home from his second job cringing in pain and barley able to walk. I began to realize the sacrifices he had made, and would be making,  to provide me with the opportunity to go to college. I knew in my heart I was not ready for college and would surely waste the money he had worked so hard for, and more importantly the blood, sweat, and pain he had endured to do so.

It was then that I learned what it meant to be grateful and what it meant to have a strong work ethic. It was the acknowledgement of his efforts and my feelings of gratitude that lead me to take responsibility for my life. I postponed college and joined the Navy, which also taught me integrity, leadership, respect, compassion, courage and committment in addition to responsibility.

Nearly 14 years later I find myself surrounded by the boys at CCBS as they face many different transitions that act as catalysts in their journey of self-discovery. I have found that change and transition force us to look again at the things that occur to us, within us, and around us.  This is how our students grow and gain insight into their own personal truths.

Many of our students embark on a new journey as they see their peers graduate and transition home. Though it is typically a happy and joyous time, the graduates leave the remaining students with a void to fill. The void that is left often sends their groups into disarray. As they struggle with the loss of leadership and friends, many students are thrust into to new and unfamiliar roles within their groups. 

Amongst the changes and challenges they face, an incredible thing begins to happen: followers become leaders, and boys become young men.

When in your life have you embraced responsibility and embarked on a new journey?

Cherokee Creek Boys School is a therapeutic Boarding School for middle-school boys, ages 11-15, located in Upstate South Carolina.

Thirty miles from our destination and fifty miles from our starting point, our backpacking trip had ground to a halt.

 “Who’s in charge here?” she asked. I quickly indicated to her that I was the trip leader and handed over our permit. We were 35 miles from the nearest trailhead and I was a little surprised to see such a young, petite backcountry ranger this far in without a horse nearby.

 “Get your group to empty their packs and before I let you in to this Wilderness Area I need to see that all of your food, trash, and toothpaste is packed in bear-proof containers. We have a real problem here with…”  She glanced at something behind me, “s’cuze me just a second.” The ranger quickly walked over to her pack as I turned around to see where she was looking. It was a bear…A BIG BLACK BEAR… headed straight for the contents of our backpacks. The pixie-like ranger strode right by me, straight at the bear, but now she was carrying a shotgun! She marched right up to the bear, lowered the muzzle, and WHAM!, shot the bear right between the eyes from point-blank range.

 I was stunned at what had just happened! The bear squealed and whirled around, disoriented for an instant, then sprinted off into the woods. The whole event took less than 5 seconds and our whole group was staring, with our mouths open, not really able to absorb what had just happened!

 “Um, excuse me, would you mind explaining to us what just happened?” I asked very politely.

 She faced us and said, “People have been too sloppy with their food here…they even feed the bears.  Now all the bears in the area associate people and backpacks with food.” Continuing her matter-of-fact answer, “My job is to show the bears that people and backpacks do not equal food. I just shot that bear with a rubber slug, so hopefully he’ll get the message.” She paused and then said, “If he doesn’t…well…let’s finish checking your bear cans.”

Until then bear-proofing every night was a real chore – usually done begrudgingly with groaning and eye-rolling. But, that rubber bullet impacted each one of us. Our laziness, carelessness or ignorance was putting this great creature in real danger.  After witnessing the consequence of thoughtless actions, it no longer felt like a chore – now it was a compassionate duty for the safety and well-being of the bears.

 A “Real and True” lesson about actions and consequences was revealed to us at point-blank range. We are surrounded by “bears” all the time. As parents, teachers, mentors or leaders, we influence others by our willingness to “bear-proof” our life – to follow the rules and hold appropriate boundaries for everyone’s safety.

 My challenge to you: Go to your backpack and check to see if everything is “bear proofed”. It just might save the life of a bear!

David LePere is the executive director for Cherokee Creek Boys School, a therapeutic boarding school for middle-school boys ages 11-15, located in beautiful upstate South Carolina.